Monday, March 21, 2011

epiphany vs simplicity

i finally finished reading through the book of john. i've really enjoyed the journey. i think one thing i've enjoyed is the simplicity of the Gospel...and just reading the narrative stories of Jesus. when i am choosing a book to study, i often go for the more deeply "theological" books (hence romans being my favorite book of the Bible). but it has been nice to just relax with the greatest Book ever written and to read the stories of my Savior. of course there is theology in john, but i think it's been good for me to dwell on the simplicity and beauty of the book instead of craving for a "theological epiphany" at every turn. sometimes the example of the life of Christ is the simple epiphany i need...thank you Jesus for revealing theological intricacies AND life-altering simplicity in Your Living Word.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Holy Spirit advantage

i was reading in john chapter 16 last night, and i just want to share my musings about verse 7. in this verse Jesus states that it is good for Him to leave, because then the Holy Spirit (or "Helper") can come. Jesus says the "Helper" is an advantage. i was thinking about what Jesus meant here - how could the Holy Spirit be more of an advantage than having Jesus? i think the answer is simple (or at least it seems simple to me). i believe i know on an intellectual level what a privilege the Holy Spirit is...i mean, i can't imagine what it would have been like "pre-Jesus" to only experience God as a pillar of smoke or fire, a burning bush, an occasional audible voice, an occasional vision, or a second-hand prophet's message (all old testament references). or even in the new testament to have the physical presence of Jesus, but to only be able to see him occasionally when he passed through town, and even then likely only at the back of a packed-out crowd. sometimes i think about how awesome and life-changing it would be to actually, physically meet Jesus...but my heart forgets that i already have the "advantage" of having the Holy Spirit LIVING in me. Jesus is not greater than the Spirit. perhaps it's the connotation of "spirit" that makes me feel like meeting Jesus would be more personal, but i am SO wrong to think this way. perhaps i become so used to having the prompting of the Spirit, that i think of His voice as common and sometimes even learn to tune Him out. but i don't want to begin to think about a life devoid of the Holy Spirit living in me. how awesome is it that Jesus ended his bodily life on earth - a life in which he subjected himself to space-time restraints and could only be in one place at a time - and sent the Holy Spirit who can live and breathe and guide EVERY CHRISTIAN personally, throughout the world, at one time? what an advantage the Holy Spirit truly is! Lord, forgive me for all of the times I overlook the Spirit and downplay the amazing advantage you have given to Your children following Jesus' resurrection. PRAISE BE TO THE FATHER, AND THE SON, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT...THREE IN ONE!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

back explosion

so it's been over a year since i last blogged...unacceptable, i know. i suppose at some point in the wedding planning process and then the months following the wedding, blogging just fell by the wayside. since i have never been an extremely faithful blogger i cannot promise that this time around will be much different, but i have been feeling an itch to write, so here goes.

as many people are now aware, back in december i ruptured a disc in my back. i had been experiencing back pain for over a month, and i was diagnosed with a bulging disc, but on december 13 as i was getting out of bed the disc actually "exploded" (a.k.a. ruptured). i fell back into bed unable to move at all without intense pain. i called my best friend who has a key to the house, and she came and eventually convinced me that we should call an ambulance. so the ambulance came and picked me up. what i thought might be several hours in the e.r. turned into nearly a week in the hospital. there were several times throughout my stay where i was told "if you can get up, you can leave." each time i tried to muster all of my will power and pain tolerance, but i could not get up. (really, who was i kidding - i couldn't even make it to the bathroom without benjamin halfway carrying me there...i'm not sure how i thought i was gonna get up and walk out).

after several days of trying numerous drugs and other things, the doctor on the floor suggested that it was time to consider surgery. at that point, i was just thinking "do whatever you want to me, just make the pain stop." because i continued to be in so much pain, and because i was so ready for the doctors to try anything they thought would help, i didn't really consider the seriousness of the surgery at the time. we were referred by friend to a very gifted neurosurgeon, and when he said he had done this specific surgery numerous times, i wasn't really worried at all. it wasn't until a week or so after the surgery that it really hit me how bad off i was, how intricate the surgery was, and what a miracle it is that i made it through back surgery and was healed.

it really hit me when i was reading in john 5 about the paralytic man beside the pool at bethesda. a man was there who had been an invalid for 38 years. he was hoping to be healed by the pool's waters, but had no one to help him into the pool when the waters were stirred. he couldn't even move a few inches to get into the pool. i realized that i could easily have been that man. had it been another time and had i lived in another place, i could have been lying, waiting, hurting for years and years. i could not even put any weight on my left side, and i'm sure many of the limited movements i did have were because i was on so many pain killers the most intense pains were at least somewhat diminished. Jesus miraculously healed the man at bethesda. but was the outcome of my surgery any less miraculous? from what i can understand, the neurosurgeon cut about a one-inch incision in my lower back. he cut some small pieces out of the bone in my spine in order to be able to get to the ruptured disc. he cleaned out all of ruptured disc material, which was what was pushing into my nerve column and causing the intense pain and numbness in my back, leg, and foot. after cleaning out the ruptured material he somehow closed up the disc, and then closed the incision in my back. several hours after the surgery i was walking around the hospital floor, able to put weight on my left leg without much pain. i mean, seriously...how is this not a miracle? the fact that God has given people the ability to understand the nerves in my back and to make an invalid walk in a few hours is baffling. were it not for the miracle of modern medicine and a gifted surgeon, i might be figuratively hanging out by the pool at bethesda right now, hoping and praying and begging for relief from my pain and my virtual paralysis.

sometimes it is so easy to miss the miraculous in a day and age and culture where miracles have become commonplace. just because my surgery was "routine" in the world of spinal neurosurgery does not mean that a miracle does not occur every time a procedure like mine is successful. God has given some the gift of healing - and whether or not my neurosurgeon recognized it, God used him to perform a miracle in my life on december 17. in a way i feel like the man at bethesda, or the man who was lowered through the roof to Jesus...all i know is that i couldn't walk, and then a miracle happened in an operating room, and now i can walk again.

praise GOD from whom ALL blessings [and miracles] flow!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

romans 3

my lifegroup is currently studying romans...plugging along in one of the deepest (and best) books of the Bible. we have each chosen different commentaries to read along with romans, which is cool because different commentaries focus on different things, and when we get together to discuss each week we have different insights.

anyway, i have chosen john calvin's commentary on romans (www.forgottenbooks.org), and several weeks ago there were some amazing thoughts on romans 3:19-31 that i would like to share here. i'm sure you will see the recurring themes of human depravity, God's righteousness, and God's gift of reconciliation through faith alone. i hope these quotations will get your minds thinking and will humble your hearts over the Savior who sacrificed everything for your (and my) justification.

"...to be silent before the Lord is to tremble at his majesty, and to stand mute, being astonished at his brightness."

"And these two things - to be justified by works - and to be guilty of transgressions..., are wholly inconsistent the one with the other."

"...whosoever is found to be a sinner, is deprived of righteousness..."

"There is not other way of attaining righteousness; for some cannot be justified in this and others in that way; but all must alike be justified by faith, because all are sinners, and therefore have nothing for which they can glory before God."

"...since there remains nothing for men, as to themselves, but to perish, being smitten by the just judgment of God, they are to be justified freely through his mercy; for Christ comes to the aid of this misery, and communicates himself to believers, so that they find in him alone all those things in which they are wanting. There is, perhaps, no passage in the whole Scripture which illustrates in a more striking manner the efficacy of his righteousness; for it shows that God's mercy is the efficient cause, that Christ with his blood is the meritorious cause, that the formal or the instrumental cause is faith in the word, and that moreover, the final cause is the glory of the divine justice and goodness."

"This is the material, - Christ by his obedience satisfied the Father's justice (judicium - judgment,) and by undertaking our cause he liberated us from the tyranny of death, by which we were held captive; as on account of the sacrifice which he offered is our guilt removed. Here again is fully confuted the gloss of those who make righteousness a quality; for if we are counted righteous before God, because we are redeemed by a price, we certainly derive from another what is not in us."

"...nor is it a small commendation of God's grace that he, of his own good will, sought out a way by which he might remove our curse."

[referring to verse 25] "What Paul especially meant here is no doubt evident from his words; and it was this, - that God, without having regard to Christ, is always angry with us, - and that we are reconciled to him when we are accepted through his righteousness. God does not indeed hate in us his own workmanship, that is, as we are formed men; but he hates our uncleanness, which has extinguished the light of his image. When the washing of Christ cleanses this away, he then loves and embraces us as his own pure workmanship."

"for nothing is more difficult than to persuade man that he ought to disclaim all things as his own, and to ascribe them all to God."

"...God is just, not indeed as one among many, but as one who contains within himself all fullness of righteousness; for complete and full praise, such as is due, is not otherwise given to him, but when he alone obtains the name and the honor of being just, while the whole human race is condemned for injustice..."

"...for God by no means keeps his riches laid up in himself, but pours them forth upon men. Then the righteousness of God shines in us, whenever he justifies us by faith in Christ; for in vain were Christ given us for righteousness, unless there was the fruition of him by faith. It hence follows, that all were unjust and lost in themselves, until a remedy from heaven was offered to them."

"for faith receives all from God, and brings nothing except an humble confession of want."



Friday, December 25, 2009

baby Jesus

it's christmas eve (well it's technically christmas, but since i haven't gone to bed and woken up, it's still christmas eve to me). anyway, this is totally irrelevant.

i was at church tonight at the christmas eve service, and one of the songs speculated regarding why Jesus came to earth as a baby. i don't remember the precise words of the song, but the reasoning put forth was something resembling the thought that Jesus came as a baby so that perhaps we could relate to him better. while this is an interesting thought, it seems lacking to me. i sat in the pew for a while pondering why i didn't like the message of the song. and here's what i've come up with...

it's not so much about our needing to relate to helpless baby Jesus, but more about His need (or perhaps desire is a better word) to exhibit total and complete humility. i mean, if you're God, what is more humiliating than coming to a marred, depraved planet and putting yourself in the position of having two marred, depraved humans responsible for providing for your EVERY need? seriously, from the beginning mary and joseph didn't do such a hot job...a feeding trough for a bed? ;-) and then to come not only as a human, but a helpless human who pretty much eats, sleeps, cries, and poops.

so of course, in a way there is a message here for people. Jesus can relate to us because he has been where we are, even the helpless baby state.

but it's more than that - i think Jesus' paying for the seriousness of our depravity required His being totally humiliated. our sin nature is SO BAD that not only did Jesus have to die, he had to be willing to humble himself. philippians 2:8 states, "And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross." SO Jesus' status as a human (especially a baby human) naturally entailed His humbling Himself. Jesus' humbling Himself seems to be of great importance in the way He lived and the way He died, and subsequently His ability to offer a sacrifice sufficient for human salvation.

so why BABY Jesus? because BABY Jesus was completely humble and humiliated. and SAVIOR Jesus was completely humble and humiliated. and because of that, i am forgiven.

what a merry christmas indeed! IMMANUEL, GOD WITH US is here, alive, once humiliated, now exalted, an acceptable substitution for my guilt.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

God's glory vs. worldly advice

as many of you already know, i got engaged last week! i still don't think this news has totally sunk in, but i'm sure it will become more normal with each passing day.

anyway, i was talking to someone at work last week telling her the good news. she then proceeded to give me advice. she said i should beware of the bridesmaids, because they are usually in it for themselves and don't care what the bride wants. she then told me that the day is all about me, and i shouldn't care what the bridesmaids think and i should be prepared to stand up to them in order to get my way...because after all it's my day. i didn't know exactly how to respond, so i just nodded my head and mumbled some type of response and then tried to exit as quickly as possible.

there are several things i was thinking as i left her office. my first thought was "you have no idea how wonderful my friends are." i immediately felt blessed that God has placed wonderful people in my life who are not always thinking about themselves, and who understand that Jesus calls us to all lay down our own desires out of love for others.

my second thought was "you have no idea who my Jesus is!" it makes me sad that this coworker was basing her advice on several personal experiences in which the worldly norm was selfishness. it was obvious based on this short conversation that the parties involved in her wedding experiences were not allowing the Holy Spirit to work in their hearts and to let His glory shine through them in the ways they treated one another.

and my third thought was "IT'S NOT ABOUT ME!" it has always bugged me when people tell brides "it's your day, you should get whatever you want." (for this reason, i DETEST shows like "bridezilla"). i can't think of an example of a day that belongs to God more fully than a wedding day. first, God has ordained that the two parties become one, and HE did the work of bringing them together in the first place. second, the whole purpose of marriage is to set forth a picture of Jesus (the groom) uniting with the Church (His bride). so basically weddings (and marriages) are God's method of using people to project Jesus and to give us the closet analogy possible of Christ's love for the church. so yeah, it's not about me. i get to play an amazing part in the play, but i'm not the playwright. without the author, there is no story to act out. it's kinda like on "so you think you can dance." often times the choreographers get more props from the judges than the dancers, because without the choreographers there would be no dance for the dancers to execute.

in this wedding process, i am just a dancer following the steps of the LORD Of The Dance, hoping that my steps will bring glory to the One who created the dance and cast me in it. i hope that others who would be tempted to say "it's your day" will see that this is my heart, and will choose God's glory over worldly advice. it's His day, and i just want to make Him proud.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

hosanna

hello friends. i apologize that it has taken me so long to post another song - no good excuses other than crazy business. anyway, i hope this latest installment will help you in your worship experience. the song i picked to meditate upon today is "Hosanna" by hillsong united. i am not going to go through every phrase, but instead give a little background as to why the word "Hosanna" is so important and revealing. as many of you know, "Hosanna" is the word that the people shouted as Jesus entered jerusalem. this triumphal entry signified the beginning of Jesus' passion - or Jesus' path the the cross. matthew 21:9 states "The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted, 'Hosanna to the Son of David! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord! Hosanna in the highest!'" according to wikipedia (i know, not scholarly, but often helpful), the greek word for "Hosanna" is "the cry of praise or adoration shouted in recognition of the Messiahship of Jesus." so when the people shouted "Hosanna" they were screaming out for all to hear that they believed Jesus to be the Messiah (which was a dangerous thing to be yelling in jerusalem, with all of the religious leaders looking for any excuse to squelch any claims of deity regarding Jesus). and yet there is another meaning for "Hosanna" that we also need to identify! the hebrew word for "Hosanna" (actually translated "Hoshana") means "please save" or "save now" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hosanna). so in this one little word, the people are shouting "YOU ARE MESSIAH...PLEASE SAVE ME NOW!" the people recognized who Jesus was, and at the same knew who they were before Him, and they saw their intense NEED for a Savior. so the next time you sing this song, think about what you are singing, and YELL TO JESUS who He is and who you are, and fall on your face (figuratively and/or literally) that who HE is is exactly what YOU NEED!

Hosanna

by Hillsong United


I see the king of glory 


Coming on the clouds with fire


The whole earth shakes

The whole earth shakes





I see his love and mercy 


Washing over all our sin


The people sing


The people sing




Hosanna


Hosanna


Hosanna in the highest 


I see a generation 


Rising up to take their place


With selfless faith


With selfless faith



I see a near revival 


Stirring as we pray and seek


We're on our knees


We're on our knees



Hosanna


Hosanna


Hosanna in the highest


Heal my heart and make it clean 


Open up my eyes to the things unseen


Show me how to love like you have loved me



Break my heart from what breaks yours


Everything I am for your kingdom’s cause


As I walk from earth into eternity



Hosanna

Hosanna

Hosanna in the highest

This blog is a testimony to the work that God is perpetually acting in my life. I am learning that when I think I've given enough of myself, I've barely begun. My prayer is that as God continues to grab hold of my life, not only will He become greater and I become less, but He will become ultimately supreme and I will vanish. This Holy Disappearance will be a lifelong journey in which, by the grace of God, I will become so wrapped up in Him that all of me will disappear and all of Him will SHINE