Sunday, January 14, 2007

so i finally buckled . . .

so i finally gave in to this whole blogging thing. funny how these things come about. i talked to my friend linda last night for a long time. we were talking about how God is grabbing hold of our hearts and showing us pretty radical stuff about Himself, His calling, and the ways we've been taught to live in America. i read her blog last night. it really spoke to where i am and pieces of what God has been jamming into my heart over the past few years. (yes, i did say YEARS). so i wrote a "comment" to one of her posts. i say "comment" because it was really more of an essay :-) so i figured since i had so much to say on linda's blog, maybe i should start my own.

so here i am. i've always been a journaler. but i've never written for others to read. maybe by sharing some of the radical things God is doing in my life, it will encourage someone, somewhere, somehow to embark with me on the journey i'm being sucked into. all i know is this world, this life, this mirage - there's more. if Jesus was sitting in my house right now, would He be happy with my contentment? would what i've "given up" so far be sufficient?

to my friends who are on this same journey, searching for the way to disappear into the revolution that is waiting to happen, i'm with you. i'm waiting to disappear. i want to disappear. i want to be a catalyst that sparks a flame and then fades into the background while the flame burns uncontrollably. and then i'll disappear as the fire rages.


Lindsay said...

i am with you. i love you.

from the inside out said...

Holy cow Tiff! I'm so glad you buckled!

I am obsessed with thoughts about serving God out of my comfort zone. It's crazy to think about what I would have defined as my comfort zone before now. Like I know God calls me out of my comfort zone to love others, to reach out when my shy self would have me do otherwise, but now "comfort zone" has a much bigger meaning to me. It's like when I have shelter, when I have heat, when I have food, when I have the clothes I want to wear, when I have everything I think I need to be happy, when I am feeling good about myself, then I'll serve God, then I'll love others for Him. I've never thought about what it would be like to serve God when I'm uncomfortable, when possibly I don't have shelter or heat or food or my closets full of clothes. All that has always come first, then out of my comfortable place in this world, I'll love others, I'll reach out to others. But what do I really do to love others? Smile at someone who looks unhappy, give someone a hug, take time to spend with a student, invest in those who are like me, who act like me, who have all that i have and more. I know these things are not unimportant, but it seems like I've grown comfortable with that being enough, when really, it's hardly anything.

But when have I been challened to do otherwise? Never have I been challenged regarding the lack of "Christian" stuff I do. Or maybe I have and have just fooled myself into thinking I was doing all I could do. I've been saying that sentence a lot, "just fooled myself into thinking."

Americanized Christianity that I've been involved in seems to do a great job of letting me fool myself into thinking I am really doing something amazing for God.

from the inside out said...

oh, and btw, "from the inside out" is me, Linda. :)

Kimberly said...

You rock. Everything you say is so profound. I am glad we share a brain, and that I get to share just a piece of the depth that is you! (Although when reading your blog, I couldn't help but really want to capitalize some of the letters! Sorry, I know, Grammar-Nazi...) But seriously, I love to read what God is doing in your life, and it is truly an inspiration. One day you will write a book, I am sure of that!

tanya said...

hey you - thanks for your comments on my blog. i've updated the link on my blog to show exactly where i live. it's really close to the airport; we can hear the planes when the land and take off. i agree- there' got to be a balance in there somewhere.

This blog is a testimony to the work that God is perpetually acting in my life. I am learning that when I think I've given enough of myself, I've barely begun. My prayer is that as God continues to grab hold of my life, not only will He become greater and I become less, but He will become ultimately supreme and I will vanish. This Holy Disappearance will be a lifelong journey in which, by the grace of God, I will become so wrapped up in Him that all of me will disappear and all of Him will SHINE