Sunday, January 21, 2007

tears

i cried tonight. i cried when i told my 10th grade discipleship group that i feel God is calling me to spend a year in northern iraq. i cried when i talked to them about the concept of sacrifice. i cried when i talked about death, and that if we as christians are serious about this whole sacrifice thing, we MUST be willing to actually die. i cried when i read the part in blue like jazz when donald miller and his friends built a confession booth in the middle of thier Godless campus and confessed their own failures to live like Jesus to their peers. i cried at the part that says "But I could see it in Penny's face, and in Ivan's eyes, that this was what they wanted; they wanted to love these people, their friends, and it didn't matter to them what it cost."

our bible study lesson tonight was about the cost of worship. and i can't think of a bigger cost than laying down my pride and humbling myself before the world - not just Christ, not just other christians, but THE WORLD. after all, they're the ones with the problems, right? WRONG! i mean, of course they have problems, but they also don't have Jesus. kinda ironic how, because i do have Jesus, i also end up with this pride issue. i think because i have Him, i'm somehow better. but i'm pretty sure the bible says Jesus saves the ones who are the most messed up. that way when the world looks at the "fixed" ones of us, it's pretty obvious we didn't have anything to do with the fixing.

so why is it that over the past few weeks i've felt forced to pray the prayers that i've been fighting against for so long? i mean, who wants to pray to be flattened by humility? i surely don't. but the CHRIST IN ME is jumping at the opportunity. so i guess i'll add humility to ever-deveolping list. after all, if i'm ever going to wholly disappear, i'll have to do it on my face before the throne of the Light of the World.

i'll close with a few lyrics from matt redman. this pretty much says it all. join me in praying to be humbled as never before.

"i lift You high and bow down low
how high can You be, how low can i go
You must increase, i must decrease Lord
i'll bow down and You will be adored"

2 comments:

denise said...

hey tiffany, i love your blog! it's funny how when i started reading this post, i started thinking of that song. then i got to the end and there it was. you're very challenging. thank you for that!

from the inside out said...

Do you think we all feel so disconnected at the same time because God is calling us to do something together?

This blog is a testimony to the work that God is perpetually acting in my life. I am learning that when I think I've given enough of myself, I've barely begun. My prayer is that as God continues to grab hold of my life, not only will He become greater and I become less, but He will become ultimately supreme and I will vanish. This Holy Disappearance will be a lifelong journey in which, by the grace of God, I will become so wrapped up in Him that all of me will disappear and all of Him will SHINE